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must read later by fayfay13

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Submitted on
June 21, 2012
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3.6 KB
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"Hey," Heather called out from the back door. "I thought of something."

"What's that?" Frank asked absent-mindedly as he blended blue and red to make ocean water.

"We haven't been swimming since last summer."

"Oh, you're right," Frank said, surprised. "We should practice before we go to Florida."

"Two steps ahead of you! Put your trunks on."

"But it's dark out, and we're miles from the lake," Frank sputtered.

"Just trust me," Heather teased. "I'll go change, too. Race you!"

With his best skeptical smile, Frank put down his pencils and headed for the bedroom. Heather already was in the closet to get her swimsuit. Frank went to the dresser and dug around for his trunks. He finally found them, and with a shrug, undressed to put them on.

To his dismay, they barely stayed up. He tugged at the drawstring, but willpower was still all that kept them from sagging. "Heather?" he whimpered.

His wife emerged from the closet with the same predicament; both bikini top and bottom were too loose for comfort. They looked at each other and both began to laugh.

"I guess we stretched them to the limit last time," Heather suggested once she caught her breath.

"We're definitely gonna need new ones for Florida," Frank observed. "Maybe I can raise the money by—"

"Oh, stop. I have a surprise for you now."

Frank's eyebrows rose, and he followed Heather to the back door and out into the yard.

As his eyes adjusted, he could see the outline of an inflatable pool, too small to swim in, but big enough they both could wade at least up to their knees.

"Now we can practice," Heather said with a wink.

Grinning, Frank led the way to the pool and slowly stepped in. Once he was in, Heather followed. They stood facing each other and were silent for a moment. Heather put her hands on Frank's shoulders.

"It's been almost a year," she sighed. "Happy anniversary, sort of."

"Wow," Frank stammered, looking down and back up again. "It's been… quite a year, hasn't it?"

"I wouldn't trade it," Heather replied. And they kissed.

Frank looked up and saw the moon. It wasn't full yet, so it shouldn't matter, right? The more Frank thought about it, and kissed, the more unsure he got. Then he felt fangs against his tongue.

Heather laughed and went on kissing him. They wrapped their arms around each other, and Frank noticed Heather's arms felt hairier, too. They rocked back and forth, kissing and not caring about anything else.

As Frank's legs grew hairier, he became aware of water rushing past them. It didn't concern him until he realized the water level was lower: a lot lower. As the gushing continued, Frank found the water hardly covered his hind paws.

"Whoops," Heather remarked, lifting a leg. Frank admired her claws, then realized they'd punctured the pool as soon as they'd started to change. Now they stood on a deflated pool with scarcely a puddle to splash in.

"So much for swimming practice," Heather snarled.

"I don't care if you don't," Frank offered with a wild look in his eye.

Heather yipped, and Frank pulled her down onto the ruined pool. They made out with each other on the slick plastic as their bodies reshaped, and then some, once comfortable on all fours. Eventually they moved onto the wet grass and remained there until morning.
Oh, summer memories.
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Vision: The vision aspect is a bit tough to identify for me, but the general theme of the piece is slice-of-life. A scene that doesn't have a general goal outside of telling a story. In this case, it works.

Originality: I haven't seen any flash fiction piece similar to this one, so this was very original to me.

Technique: The prose here is very simple, which leaves a lot to interpretation and imagination, which I did like. In this respect though, the "Death of the Author" theory could easily apply in terms of what is happening or what the piece means.

This aside, the piece was well edited and I didn't find any errors. The adverbs in the speech tags also don't distract from what is being said, which is another plus.

Impact: This piece made me smile a bit as I read it, and picturing the scenes for myself was enjoyable.

Deviousness: 4.5 out of 5 stars.

Overall, I really enjoyed this piece. Even without a clear theme, it's a fun read in its own right.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
6 out of 6 deviants thought this was fair.

A straight forward piece of fiction. You're use of minimal words have always had a big impact on the storytelling.

The setting was simple as well as the characters, but I visualized the story perfectly. You gave just enough details to keep me guessing what was going on, and that definitely kept me reading.

My only complaint is you don't write enough stories to keep me entertained. You have a good voice and good technique. Keep writing to keep me entertained, as well as others. Seriously, that's my only complaint. Now start writing and don't stop, please and thank you!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
7 out of 8 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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wbender2467 Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I noticed something right at the start of the story, you never really gave any hints that Frank was drawing until you mentioned the pencils.
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
That's right.  :)
ObliviousDolfin Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2012
i loved this story! it was wonderful :)
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Aw, thank you! :D
ObliviousDolfin Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2012
you're welcome :D
chainedknee Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2012
Nice and loving. A very pleasant story!
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks so much! :)
Toledo-the-Horse Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Did you just *gasp* write a SEX SCENE? Oh my, the scandal!
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
All they did in the grass was split a chocolate malt. And they used separate straws.
Toledo-the-Horse Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
But... wolves can't drink out of straws! Their mouths can't get the suction necessary! Many exclamation points!!!
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