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Aaron fumed.

It was his day off, and here he was at work anyway, two hours to close. He hated training people, but tomorrow was a big day, and he would pay for it in the long run if he put it off. He had been home alone, wasting time, but the principle of it still bothered him. He practically lived here these days.

He exited the car and slammed the door. Then he noticed a young man, probably a college student, standing at the edge of the parking lot. He was on the grass, looking straight up at the night sky. A full moon gleamed overhead.

In his funk, Aaron had forgotten the full moon! It almost always cheered him up. He smiled and called out to the stranger, "Hope I didn't disturb you."

There was no response, and Aaron stopped to stare at the full moon for a while himself. He felt better. He laughed, remembering his childhood experiment to see how long it took for the full moon to turn him into a werewolf. He had been a weird kid, and proud of it.

"It's beautiful, but it doesn't do anything," Aaron called out again. "Once I did that for an hour and a half; nothing happened."

A watch alarm went off, and the stranger turned around.

Sulfur-colored eyes burned through Aaron. "That's because it takes two hours," the stranger explained. Then he fell forward onto his hands and tensed his back. The seat of his pants gave way to a large, bushy tail, and a wolf in torn clothes sauntered off toward Olive Garden.

After cleaning his glasses, Aaron scanned the adjacent parking lot for the wolf, gone without a trace. He wanted to run after it, but visibility was poor. He glanced up and saw thick, black clouds had covered the moon completely. He waited for it to peek back out, in vain.

Sighing, Aaron straightened his tie and crossed the parking lot to the store.
Just a silly story for a friend.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconcranberry413:
Hi there! :wave: I don't think I've ever critiqued something this short, but I'll try anyway:aww:

Vision: 4.5/5. It's a nice piece! I like the descriptions, I think it's easy to imagine and I like the beginning. I think you did a great job being 'in' Aaron's mind while he's stuck at work. That's an easy thing to identify with for a lot of people ;)

Originality: 4.5/5. Werewolves aren't exactly an original topic, but you've pulled off something different and you've done it well so good job! I like the twist at the end.

Technique: 4.5/5. You're a good writer. I like how you wrote it, I think you used a nice choice of words. I like how nonchalant both Aaron and the werewolf were. I think that's a pretty interesting humorous technique. I think my favourite line was "That's because it takes two hours". Although I also like how you said he "sauntered off toward Olive Garden". Sauntered is perfect for this kind of story!

Impact: 4/5. I'm not sure, it didn't leave me scared out of my mind or belly laughing for days (that doesn't mean it's bad though!).. I really liked it, but for me personally the impact wasn't incredibly noticeable.

Overall it's a wonderful piece! Keep writing, I like your style! :clap:
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
5 out of 6 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconsplotchie:
Splotchie Featured By Owner May 25, 2014
Lol, awesome.  I love the subtle silliness of the whole piece, and the way it plays with your expectations... and all in half a page!  Good work!
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:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner May 25, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, and welcome to deviantART!
Reply
:iconshadow-guardian0:
Shadow-Guardian0 Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2014  Student General Artist
I'm a little confused if sulphur colored eyes were describing Aaron, like his eyes were turning into wolf eyes,how did he watch the wolf run away?
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
The stranger glared at Aaron with sulfur-colored eyes, then fell forward and sauntered off on all fours.  Aaron was strictly an observer.
Reply
:iconshadow-guardian0:
Shadow-Guardian0 Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2014  Student General Artist
Ah, the way it was written was a bit vague, but I figured it was the case.
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Always happy to clarify!
Reply
:iconchowduke:
chowduke Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2013
I love it!
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks, Antonio!
Reply
:iconchowduke:
chowduke Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2013
Welcome Joey I love your werewolf stories and characters.
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Aw, gosh.  I'd say they love you too, but I'm not really on speaking terms with Francis, in order to ask him.
Reply
:iconchowduke:
chowduke Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2013
He would eat me anyway I think.
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
On the contrary, I think he only eats girls who talk too much.
Reply
:iconchowduke:
chowduke Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2013
LOL I am sure he has eaten plenty of them.
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, probably no more than a dozen.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconshigahoshii:
ShiGaHoshii Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Nice story. I don't understand what's happening in the first paragraphs though. He's at work and should be at home cause it's his day off. What does he work? Who does he train? What day is it tomorrow that is so important? Then he's suddenly going out of his car? Where? It's a bit confusing for me. Also at the end, I don't think a normal human would just continue on with their life like nothing happened after seeing such a thing. But if that's what you were going for, it's okay. Otherwise, the story is good. Grammar, spelling, punctuation are good, though you shouldn't put commas before every "and".
Overall good job. I like werewolves and I like what you showed.

`LOL (comment credited to #LOVE-Original-LIT)
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
He's a manager, and he's interrupted on his day off to come in and train new employees. The next day is a big business day for the store where he works.

He's not a normal human being because, yes, a normal human being would react more than that to meeting a werewolf.

We'll agree to disagree on the Oxford comma. ;)
Reply
:iconshigahoshii:
ShiGaHoshii Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Hahah, okay then ^^
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
And thanks for commenting!
Reply
:iconshigahoshii:
ShiGaHoshii Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconscifiqueen102:
scifiqueen102 Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012
cool
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks!
Reply
:iconscifiqueen102:
scifiqueen102 Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012
welcome
Reply
:iconlaparker13:
LAParker13 Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2012  Student Writer
I must say that I love how nonchalant Aaron seemed. It was very amusing. It was very well written and flowed very nicely. :-)
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks, Lauren! Though I think the werewolf was even more nonchalant. You know how those nonchalant werewolves can be. ;)

Hope you had a happy Hallowe'en!
Reply
:iconlaparker13:
LAParker13 Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2012  Student Writer
Thanks and a Happy belated Halloween to you to! And yes sometimes those werewolves can just be into their own little world!
Reply
:iconkristinaelyse:
kristinaelyse Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
very fun! I love that the werewolf headed to the Olive Garden :D
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Wolf's gotta eat!
Reply
:iconusername-91:
Username-91 Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Professional Filmographer
Interesting story is this.
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
XBAЛA!
Reply
:iconusername-91:
Username-91 Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2012  Professional Filmographer
Нема проблема.
Reply
:iconqtroubadour:
QTroubadour Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Haha, an amusing story with a great twist joke that made me smile. Great work, man!
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Happy you like it!
Reply
:iconteaphotography:
TeaPhotography Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2012  Professional General Artist
Wow, it's really!
I completely enjoyed it... I was captivated.
Well written! :clap:
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
And for the favorite, too. :D
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks, Tea!
Reply
:iconactsofart:
ActsofArt Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
very nice!
a good short.
I enjoyed the sudden turn in plot.
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :)
Reply
:iconintelligentzombie:
IntelligentZombie Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Great job! I love this! A quick read, and it's more enjoyable than a lot of longer stuff I've read. :clap: Congrats on the DLD! :happybounce:
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks, Kelsey! Very kind of you.
Reply
:iconintelligentzombie:
IntelligentZombie Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome! :heart:
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2012   Writer
:iconcongratssignplz: ..."silly story for friend" still won a DLD. Good writing and tension go well with humor. :iconclappingplz:
Reply
:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2012
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DLD (Daily Literature Deviations) in a news article that can be found here [link]
Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article.

Keep writing and keep creating.
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Holy cow! Thank you!
Reply
:iconsergiopricklywolf:
SergioPricklywolf Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Wow! Congrats Joey! That's an honor there!
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Congrats to Aaron, too!
Reply
:iconsergiopricklywolf:
SergioPricklywolf Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Ah, that Aaron guy is a lazy lagabout, he doesn't get any credit for your awesome story!
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
How would you know?
Reply
:iconvalleygirl13:
ValleyGirl13 Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is cute and kind of bizare, but I love it! Awesome!
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Much obliged!
Reply
:iconvalleygirl13:
ValleyGirl13 Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:D
Reply
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Submitted on
June 4, 2012
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