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"Where is he?"



"This is ridiculous."



"Excuse me. Ma'am?"

"You'll have to come closer. I can't hear you."



"That's better. What can I do for you?"

"I was wondering if you'd seen a friend of mine."

"What's he look like?"

"Well, he's not a friend exactly. He's sort of the narrator."

"That still doesn't tell me what he looks like."



"Have you seen anyone around here tonight?"

"Besides you?"

"Yeah."

"Oh! There was this one fellow. He was waiting over there by those columns, when all of a sudden, he turned into a werewolf and ran off."



"How could you tell he was waiting?"

"He kept looking around aimlessly, and he was holding a pen and paper but not writing anything."

"Great, that must have been him."

"Well, if it was, I assure you he was in no condition to be narrating anything."



"Now what am I supposed to do?"

"What are you asking me for?"

"All I know is, there's supposed to be an unexpected transformation tonight, and he's supposed to take notes."

"I told you he turned into a werewolf. Are you sure that wasn't it?"

"But the story hadn't even started yet!"



"Wait a sec. It's not even dark yet!"

"You're not too clear on this 'unexpected' thing, are you?"



"All right. Suppose he did turn into a werewolf and run off. Why are you so casual about it?"

"Once you've seen one werewolf transformation, you've seen 'em all."

"But you're in the news business!"

"Just because I sell newspapers doesn't mean I report news. Besides, I see much more interesting things here than that."

"Such as?"



"Fine, be that way. Who's gonna know either way?"

"What do you mean?"

"Without a narrator, no one's gonna know what happened."



"Do you really want your whole life on display?"



"Well, not my whole life. But certainly the important parts!"

"What for?"



"I'll make you a deal. Help me close up, and then come have coffee with me. I'll teach you a thing or two about this city. But forget about the narrator, OK?"
Karen gets stood up.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconmichel-le-fou:
Very amusing touch, to have someone looking for the narrator, who becomes a werewolf. I am aware that werewolves are pop now on the site. I submitted two works of the same subject recently.
Regarding your storytelling ability and the general techniques of fiction, they are both adequate. But the story could be developed that the narrator either searches for a victim or returns to stalk Karen. [I have written many stories over the past 5 years and most are featured here.] Give some attention to horror and shock effect. In this type of story it is very important. The rest is okay.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
17 out of 17 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconbdancinjones:
This is interesting and amusing. Getting the reader to follow along a story without using anything but dialogue is very rarely done: even plays have stage directions and set-design cues. Avoiding all narration as part of the style is an incredibly ambitious task; I only marked down in originality because it is very similar to the set up for writing a play.

As to how it was done; I found the use of extra spacing to be quite clever and allowed me to space out the conversation in my head. There were times when it seemed to me that one character must have spoken twice in a row, with a space in between lines, and this threw me a couple times, since there was no narrator to set the record straight on who was talking.

Finally, to address my score for impact. I found the story amusing for the style about it, for abandoning narration and still, somewhat working, and although there is some dialogue about someone having their "whole life on display," it doesn't seem to have a really poignant topic or main idea. I think it proves that such a story can be done, but does little more. And perhaps that is all it is supposed to do. Still, I do not feel a deep, profound idea coming from this story.

All in all, I enjoyed it. It was fun and intriguing; I am amused. Although confusing at times, I'd like to see a few more stories with a similar style, except perhaps with ever so slightly more of a meaning.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
7 out of 7 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconanthroloverjay:
AnthroLoverJay Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I see what you did there. No narrator means no description of the scene or the characters' actions. It's just dialogue. Points for originality in your fourth wall breaking technique. Past that, however, there isn't much there. It's just two people having a conversation with nothing to go by but what they're saying. It was an interesting experiment, but that's about it.
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I don't disagree.  I toyed with the idea of writing the same story from a second perspective, but the mood had passed.

That said, I like the element of surprise enough that I don't think every story about transformation should end with transformation on demand.
Reply
:iconanthroloverjay:
AnthroLoverJay Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah, but the transformation was more of a passing mention. It didn't occur within the story itself. Considering the lack of a narrator, however, we would have to rely on the characters to verbally describe what they were seeing, which would probably come across as awkward and unnatural. Unless, of course, the narrator would be able to describe the change as it was happening to him.
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Which would break the rule of the narrator not narrating.

And yes, the transformation happened before the story started.  I obviously like transformation, but when every story ends with the same surprise, it ceases to be much of a surprise.
Reply
:iconanthroloverjay:
AnthroLoverJay Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I get that, but in the case the transformation wasn't really an immediate factor.
Reply
:iconchapteraquila92:
ChapterAquila92 Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Just following up on this.
Reply
:iconkittysib:
KittySib Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Interesting, and confusing...but fun! :)
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
For both the comment and the favorite.
Reply
:iconkittysib:
KittySib Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem:) It was fun to read!
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks!
Reply
:iconkittysib:
KittySib Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:D
Reply
:iconfeanor-the-dragon:
Feanor-the-Dragon Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Isit alright if I give my friend (who doesn't have a DA account) a link to this page?
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Of course! :)
Reply
:iconfeanor-the-dragon:
Feanor-the-Dragon Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
YAY! Thanks!
Reply
:iconfeanor-the-dragon:
Feanor-the-Dragon Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Looking for the narrator... WONDERFUL! :) I love it! It was amusing and charming all at once! That you were able to express so much with only dialogue astounds me!
Excellent job!
Reply
:iconsergiopricklywolf:
SergioPricklywolf Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Ah, you got it! Congrats!
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
So happy when people understand this story. Thank you for the comment and favorite! :D
Reply
:iconfeanor-the-dragon:
Feanor-the-Dragon Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You are very welcome! :D
Your story deserved it!
Reply
:iconsergiopricklywolf:
SergioPricklywolf Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I actually like this concept, it's very interesting! I think this feels like a rough draft in some ways, but the concept behind it is inspired! Are you going to try something similar again?
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Probably not. Very much the product of a fleeting moment and mood. Chuffed at overall response, though!
Reply
:iconsergiopricklywolf:
SergioPricklywolf Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
*consults the great google oracle.*

Ah, now I know what chuffed means! Capital show!
Reply
:icontysonlafollette:
TysonLaFollette Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012
Purely dialogue, no narration at all because... he turned into a werewolf and ran off. XD Awesome!

I bet this was a fun writing experiment. :)
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!

It was a fun experiment, but I almost trashed it because I was so unsure of the actual result. I'm thrilled anyone else likes it.

Certainly a departure from my usual writing process.
Reply
:iconjaeger15:
Jaeger15 Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2012
This was a good one.
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks, Tony!
Reply
:iconjaeger15:
Jaeger15 Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2012
You're welcome.
Reply
:iconlycanthrochick:
lycanthrochick Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
lol
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Glad it amused you!
Reply
:iconlycanthrochick:
lycanthrochick Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Interesting twist ^^
Reply
:iconaxe-cell:
Axe-Cell Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
I guess that we readers have taken the most important aspect of a good story anywhere for granted too long, no? This piece is quite interesting, and just like a few before me, I was too confused to even know why I'd read the whole thing. XD
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for commenting! I'm glad you think it's interesting. I'm not a big fan of breaking the fourth wall, but I prefer it to alleged twist endings that aren't the least bit twisty. ;)

And I expect the narrator enjoyed his day off.
Reply
:iconthebirdnerd:
thebirdnerd Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Great idea! :D
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconthebirdnerd:
thebirdnerd Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome!
Reply
:icondremalone:
DreMalone Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2011
Haha good story! I don't think a lot of people got the idea behind the story, though. Long as I got it and enjoyed it, that's all that matters. :P
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2011   Writer
Great piece. Very funny and often true: Some stories are only what a person makes [up] of them on her own. :+fav:
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! That's a great way of putting it.
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2011   Writer
:iconyourewelcomemorseplz: ...I'm glad you thought it was a good way to put it.
Reply
:iconterrajaide:
Terrajaide Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2011
Lol! What would we do without the narrator?
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
You just found out. Hee.
Reply
:iconsnowypenguin:
SnowyPenguin Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Haha nice. Very meta, I like it.
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! Shot in the arm to hear from those who did.
Reply
:iconqtroubadour:
QTroubadour Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011  Student Digital Artist
Amusing story, ma even more interesting by the dialogue-only, which kinda added an amusing effect as if the absence of the narrator made it so we were no longer supplied with, well, narrations. Fun ironic twist as well where the narrator ended up being the 'unexpected' transformation. That's probably about as unexpected as you can get. XD

Just curious, was this a writing exercise or something?
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! Not a writing exercise per se, but in response to a story prompt, technically a contest. I couldn't think of much other way to make the transformation truly unexpected, so I had it happen to the narrator in advance of the story. I almost trashed it as a failed experiment, so I really appreciate the kind feedback.
Reply
:iconqtroubadour:
QTroubadour Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2011  Student Digital Artist
No problem, I thought it worked great!
Reply
:icondrew2319:
drew2319 Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2011  Student Writer
Good stories. I really enjoy reading them. Keep up the good work!
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the kind words!
Reply
:icondrew2319:
drew2319 Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2011  Student Writer
No problem.
Reply
:iconyautjavasquez:
YautjaVasquez Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2011
nice
Reply
:iconjoeyliverwurst:
JoeyLiverwurst Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks!
Reply
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